Derren Brown Using NLP???

BIRTHDAY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=befugtgikMg
BIRTHDAY (explained)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dU10LTfF9UQ&feature=related
Dog Track
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=II_-QcW4Q4I
Dog Track (explained)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdMaZzL_a90&feature=related
Russian Scam (Complete)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DR4y5iX4uRY&NR=1
Russian Scam (explained)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybmOlQRuaYM&feature=related
Subliminal Advertising
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZyQjr1YL0zg
Person Swap
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBPG_OBgTWg
Derren's Event Trick Fails!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVThCpMPON0

The Presupposition Method

Learn to make your communication more persuasive with presuppositions. A presupposition is an assumption that your listener perceives from your communication. For example, a very common presupposition I used with clients in my hypnotherapy practice was, "before you go deeper (into hypnosis), I would like you to notice how your breathing seems to be deeper .. . ". That line had 2 presuppositions in it, that even if the client has consciously negated one, the other is still accepted. Milton Erickson was able to embed his communications with presuppositions that were often quite well hidden.

Overview: The Presupposition Method
Step #1: Select your presuppositions
Step #2: Embed them in sentences
Step #3: Create a conversational approach with the sentences and set-ups
Step #4: Practice on people

Step #1. Select your presupposition.
Imagine that you are about to encourage a trance state while in a conversational format.

Think of at least five things that you could presuppose (assume is a close synonym) about the person and their experience that you could leverage for relaxation, rapport, healing, and trance.

For example: "... this allows you to more fully feel the relaxation spreading from your shoulders," (presupposing that the person is already relaxing and that it is spreading from their shoulders, making it possible to feel sensations that can be interpreted as relaxation and increase awareness there that will induce relaxation) or, at a higher logical level, 'As you go into your day, your subconscious will continue to heal you and build you," (presupposing that the subconscious has this agenda and is already healing and building).

Step #2. Embed them in sentences.

Create sentences that, as I showed in step one, include these presupposition. You get bonus points for preceding each sentence with a sentence or two that set up the presupposition to make it more stealthy.

For example, "As you inhale, you can feel your shoulders spread very slightly, with your exhale allowing them to feel their natural weight. This allows you to more fully feel the relaxation spreading from your shoulders, into the weight of your hands, through the ends of your fingers."

Step #3. Create a conversational approach with the sentences and set ups.
String these presupposition bearing sentences together into a conversational approach to trance.

Step #4. Practice on people.
Try this on a willing participant, or record it and try it on yourself.
Observe your subjects for signs of trance.

Notice how your use of presuppositions can encourage what you presuppose to actually take place or become the basis for other behavior.

CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of this NLP pattern belong to Milton H. Erickson, modeled by Richard Bandler and John Grinder.

"Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind"- Rudyard Kipling

(Page 528 of "The Big Book Of NLP")

Nested Loops - A Sample Story

HERE IS AN EXAMPLE for a Nested loops story. As you read, please remember that this method is most effective when used out loud. Therefor, try to imagine me speaking to you with these words:

''You know, this is amazing because for the last few days I didn't really get any question about this method, although it is quite an impressive and effective one. Everybody uses stories, you know, some are doing it well and some are doing it well but not in an effective or influence or both ways down ... and see, right as I write to you, I am reminded of that first time I ever read a story that have truly influenced me. I am not sure if you are familiar and know this one - the catcher in the rye. it is truly a lovely story that does influence you in many ways. Two of the ways that it has impressed upon me were exactly what I thought they would be, but much more - first, I started seeing people around me that acted exactly like that kid in the story ... now who wrote that one ... hold on, let me use my neurons well - wrote it, I believe, JD Salinger. what is that JD anyway? Is it a shortcut or is it his name? anyway, what I was saying, I read a lot of stories in my life and some were good and some were not. and you would think that all a good story needs is a good plot, but it isn't so, at least so I believe, because you see, I believe a story should challenge your own beliefs. doesn't really matter which beliefs, and if you do believe in them or only caught them for awhile, but it is for me an essential thing that you will be challenged. Otherwise, what's the point of paying 20 bucks for 300 or 400 (how many are those today anyway?) pages of a fiction. It's not real you know ... just like the subconscious ain't real. it's a fiction, you probably know this by now but let me tell you how I thought of it: I think the subconscious is a fairy tail, because you see, no one can point out exactly where in our brain or even in the whole nervous system which lies all over your body, you know, where is it then? can you touch your nose with your right finger and tell me whether it's there? how about your eyebrows? neck? back? stomach? pancreas? little piggie? "and that little piggy went to the markeL.", my grandma' did this gig to me even when I was well grown up (in fact, I was 22 years old). She kept telling me I don't eat enough, though she only saw me like maybe once a week. A great woman she was, even as a nana (grandma') she kept telling jokes, even dirty jokes! you'd be surprised how funny it is that your grandma' is telling jokes like these ... and isn't that just not only amusing but gives a sense of youth-full-ness, gratitude and relaxation ... now double that because she did tell extensively funny jokes. anyway, I miss her.

I was saying about the subconscious is not real. you know it isn't. can't point to it, can't put it in a barrell (old meta-model conspiracy) ... it's a nominalization. It's actually a process, or more so - a group of processes that is just it - subconscious.

In other words - all the processes of your nervous system that you are not aware of at this specific moment, because you don't pay attention to many different things at once as you read this. because you know, as you read this you have to first let your eyes catch the letters and form them to the words that I have written previously, and then let your inner voice form it to auditory conversation that is way inside your mind. that's consciousness. now add noticing you're blinking and your ever deeper breath, and friend - you don't have many conscious options ... all the rest is 'sub' of the consciousness. and because you don't pay much attention to
whatever happens outside of this scope of reading these words and making sense of whatever I'm saying, it is surely important to us, I believe, to screen our reading list. Read the stories that worth reading, read things that challenge our beliefs - there, I said it again, didn't I? a challenge .. A story that will make you think if the way that you interpret reality is the reality itself. Harry Potter did it for many children.

And Jerome David Salinger did that exactly in his Catcher In The Rye story ... oh, yes, that's it. JD is Jerome David ... ahhh, I remember. Right. Now... he wrote many
books, but that was the book that got my attention.

The Catcher In The Rye is marvelous, truly, go read it if you can. I can still remember its main character, Holden Caulfield, a 17 years old boy, who's also telling the story ... that boy is troubled with that transition from boyhood to adulthood. And he got me thinking so much you know ...

Amazingly enough, not everybody are reading stories, and not everybody who are reading, are reading the right stories. And even those who are writing stories wonder why their stories are being read less than others who write even less-seemingly-interesting stories... and that's because the language these writers use is more effective and influence better. And my goal in the article you commented on was to expose one of many methods to influence others by doing a series of stories with
Nested Loops.

I can only assume you can see the effectiveness and power of this easy to learn easy to do method. Can you not?"

(Page 404 of "The Big Book Of NLP")

The Nested Loops Method

Influence and persuade others merely by telling them stories.
This is one of the best, if not THE best, method of conversational hypnosis. It involves no inductions, no snapping fingers, no need to get an approval for a hypnotic session.

It's also very easy to learn and practice.

It can be used for almost any situation where you would want to implant hypnotic suggestions without being obvious (which also means almost certain failure), and without the need to induce a person into hypnosis.

• You can use this method to talk with your kids before bedtime, and install some positive suggestions that will benefit them and the family.
• You can use it to talk with your boss about a raise (or to be precise, tell your boss when he'll give you a raise).
• You can use it to talk with your employees to motivate them and to inspire creativity.
• You can use it in training Gust like Bandler has been doing for years and years with his stories.
• You can use it in writing, like I do from time to time.
• There is no end to the ways you can use The Nested Loops method.

The Nested Loops method is another classic method that Milton Erickson has created and used successfully for many years.

By using this method, you're building tension, just like they do in regular story telling.

You create five stories, that are interesting to your audience (which you should know, of course).

You open one story after the other, and on a cue point you switch to the next story (the graphic below demonstrates it).

Once you open the fifth story, you include your hypnotic suggestions in it and then you close story number five, and continue to complete and close the stories in reverse order.

That's the classic application of this method, and it is thoroughly explained below.

There are number of reason why this method works so well to influence people:

1. Our mind doesn't like loose ends, so your mind begins a TDS (Trance-Derivational Search) in order to close the open loop.
   
   Your mind looks for the completion of it, and while it waits for it, more stories are opened, overloading the mind's attempts to keep track. It is all done subconsciously, of course.
   
2. Concentration on the content and entertaining details of the stories will confuse the listener, and will cause his mind to drift from the structure to the details; chunking down, in other words. By the time you get to the fifth story, your listener's mind has less tendency to resist suggestions and these will most likely be accepted immediately.
   
3. There is no "watch out" sign. When you induce hypnosis, some people will go into a defensive position, guarding their subconscious mind as though it were a precious fortress.
   
   Hypnotherapists work long and hard at bringing down these defenses, and it takes a lot of energy and time.
   
   By telling a story in a casual conversational style, without even mentioning the word "hypnosis" or snapping your fingers, the defenses are down (unless that person has a good reason not to trust you).
   
4. The loop is habitual. Our mind picks up patterns quite fast. Once one loop has been closed (story number five), the listener's mind expects that the rest will be closed too, and it is much more alerted to pick it up.

Once another one is closed (number four or five), it forgets all about the suggestions and lets them sink into the subconscious with the stories.

It is much more important to the mind to close the loops than to deal with the suggestion that has been "slipped" in between them.

Overview: The Nested Loops Method
Step #1: Create a well-formed outcome
Step #2: Come up with an indirect suggestion
Step #3: Build the five stories and cue points
Step #4: Introduce the beginning of story #1
Step #5: Tell the stories, open the loops
Step #6: Embed the suggestions within story #5
Step #7: Close the rest of the loops

Step #1. Create a well-formed outcome.
You must firmly decide what you want to accomplish and with whom. You need to know your outcome as well as your audience's needs, wants and desires. By knowing this information, it will be easier for you to construct your stories and suggestions in the most effective manner.

Ask yourself questions such as:
Who do I want to influence?
What do I want to suggest to them? (Don't write the suggestions yet, just your outcome.)
Who are they exactly? Is it better if I work with only one at a time?
What are their needs? What do I know about their needs, wants and desires? If I could sum it up in one word, how would I name what they want themselves?
What type of stories would be most appealing to them? (You'll know the answer once you answer the previous questions.)
When would be the best time to sit down and talk to them without interruption?
Do they already trust me, or do I need to establish trust (and rapport, of course)?

Step #2. Come up with an indirect suggestion.

Since we're talking about a conversational hypnotic method, it would be much more effective to use indirect suggestions. Saying something like, "and you would find yourself passionate about cleaning your room," is a very direct suggestion. Saying instead, "and you know, I felt great after cleaning my room, just like you do with yours ... " provides an indirect suggestion.

Since it takes time to master this method (as with every good thing), start with only one suggestion. Later on, once you learn to go through these steps without planning too much, you can use more suggestions.

Step #3. Build the five stories and cue points.

There are very few rules for these stories:

1. They must be entertaining, since we're using five of them. If they are boring, you'll have a sleeping audience.
2. The method will work better if you use real-life stories from your own past. Do not use stories that involve the person you're trying to persuade; they have their own version of this memory. Don't even include their role, as that is too obvious. If you must, you can make up your story.
3. Learn to tell those stories in an interesting way. Record yourself before you try it out on someone else. Fine tune your story telling until there is nothing in the content or in the delivery that is likely to annoy. Craft it into an engaging, thrilling tale.
4. The length of your story shouldn't be an issue, but don't say 100 words where five would be enough. Say it short but say it all, and in an interesting manner. You can repeat some key points if needed.

Once you've chosen your five stories, break each into a Cue Point; a place where it would be appropriate to cut the story, BUT... that DOES NOT give away the end of the story.

Step #4. Introduce the beginning of story #1.
Now comes the tricky part; how to get them to listen to you. It's hard to advise you exactly what to do, since every situation is different.

The easiest situation is when you're have control over the environment as you do when you're a presenter in a training or a father putting his kids to bed.

In a business meeting, where there would be normally several interactions between you and the listener, you can still use this method, but keep in mind that you will have to let the other party speak from time to time.

I always introduce the beginning of story number one by saying, "You know what, I must tell you something that just popped up in my mind and reflects almost exactly what you said..."

Another option would be, "let me tell you a story"... or even better, "Did I ever tell you about the time I jumped from a bridge ..."

The first sentence is crucial because it is used to initiate the momentum of listening to your story. The the more completely you occupy their conscious mind with interesting stories, the better you will maintain the momentum.

Step #5. Tell the stories, open the loops.
A good idea (actually, a very good idea) is to remember the order of the stories you tell them. I do so by using my right hand fingers, and tie each story to a finger. I start with the thumb, and in my own imagination I picture a keyword from the story tied into my thumb.

So for example, if story number one involves a monkey, I see that monkey biting my right thumb. If the second story involves a diaper, I can see my index finger covered with a diaper, hitting the monkey who's biting my thumb. That idiotic image will definitely remind me of the order of my stories.

You tell story number one up to the cue point, and then you use some linking phrase to break it and go to the beginning of story number two.

You can use almost anything here. "And the police man asked me about my uncle, who you know is a carpenter. By the way, I never told you, but I did work for him for a couple of months when I was 12 In fact, in that summer, just after my birthday, he felt so sick that I had to do all of his work. In one client's house ... ", and they have the policeman story unfinished while hearing about your sick carpenter uncle.

When you get to story number five, that's the time for the next step.

Step #6. Embed the suggestions within story #5.

That's where the juice is. You tell story number five from beginning to end, while in the middle of it, right after the Cue Point, you slip in a few suggestions. It is so easy you won't believe me unless you try it.

"And you see, at that exact moment, what would you have done? I bet you get a feeling, a good feeling about doing it, and just like you would do your homework as fast as possible to get it done the same day you get them, just like when I went through that mission of ... ".

They won't even realize what is going on. Your previous stories have already overloaded their minds, now the suggestions are not being analyzed.

Step #7. Close the rest of the loops.

Don't leave their minds hanging there, searching for the end of the loops. Close each remaining loop in reverse order. After closing story number five, you have a way to go back to close story number four, because the Cue Point of story number four is what initiated story number five.

Continue closing these loops until you finish story number one.

If you like, you can drop in a couple of questions to encourage time distortion. After finishing story number one, ask questions like:

"By the way, you told me before that you're interested in XYZ, tell me about it."

 Of course, XYZ has to be something that the person told you before you initiated the Nested loops method. Tie the loop of story number five (complete the story) smoothly, as though you had never interrupted it.

(Page 398 of "The Big Book Of NLP")

Persuasion By Chunking Up/Down

"It's not the mountain that lies ahead of you that stops you ... it's the pebble in your shoe" ~Muhammad Ali

CHUNK Up - or Chunking Up - means that you move from specifics to generalities.
Chunk Down - or Chunking Down - means that you move from generalities to specifics.

Chunk Up is answering questions such as, "what is this for?", "does it mean that you/I/we/this ... ", "what is the intention?", "what could be the purpose?", etc.

Chunking up doesn't necessarily mean that you move all the way to the most general statement you can make about the subject. It means that you only move to a MORE general statement, not necessarily the highest/most general.

Chunk Down is about answering questions such as, "how could we use it?", "is it...", "does that mean that we could do ... ", etc.

Chunking Down doesn't' necessarily mean that you move all the way to the least general or most specific statement. But, you only move towards a more specific set of ideas.

The Chunk Up -> Chunk Down pattern of persuasion can be described as a range:

Whatever you say or hear can be marked as a point on that Chunk Up -> Chunk Down range. From that point, you can either chunk up and generalize or chunk down and be more specific.

To enhance rapport and get a sense of agreement and unity between you and another person, chunk up! Rarely do people refuse to agree to nominalizations. When you say, "love is wonderful", how many people will disagree? That's a huge chunk. If you say, "your love is wonderful", there's an opening for a debate and not necessarily an
immediate agreement.

You chunk up to get agreement. You chunk down to solve problems.

How do you eat an elephant? Remember that joke, right... one piece at a time. That's chunking down! - a person presents a problem to you and asks for your help to solve it. If you chunk down long enough, they will find their own solutions on their own, making their own decisions and thanking you for opening up their eyes. You don't have to know EVERYTHING, you just need to chunk down further.

You chunk up to hypnotize. You chunk down to de-hypnotize.

You don't need to be a hypnotist in order to hypnotize others. You see, just by using words and talking to people, you're already generate trance states in others. They don't have to close their eyes and quack like a duck. Hypnosis is everything between a day dream and moon walking. We move in and out of hypnosis numerous times during the day.

When you're in any state of hypnosis, you're more suggestible to be influenced by your surrounding and obviously by your own inner world. When you chunk up, you get people to think about intentions, purposes, philosophy and meaning - by using a nominalization (a word that describes something you cannot physically point at, like love, influence, subconscious, etc.) you cause the other person to go inside and think about the meaning of what you said. He must make sense of it - and that inner search after the meaning, that's a trance!

Sometimes you would want to de-hypnotize, take a person out of hypnosis. If your chat mate is spacing out too often, have a hard time listening and concentrating or is in pain (another form of self hypnosis concentrating obsessively on the physical feeling of pain) - you can de-hypnotize that person by chunking down. When you dig into details, the present reality kicks in and the world of philosophy is faded.

If you remember, in one of our articles about Milton Erickson's method to relieve pain, we spoke about chunking down. By analyzing the physical pain, wherever on the body it is, you make it smaller and less important. The brain goes from "oh, it is painful in my teeth" to "oh, there's that rough sensation in the 3rd tooth from the right, on its front side right above that small white dot".

In hypnotherapy we use chunking down a lot when dealing with phantom pains - pains that are felt as if they are real, even though there is no physical reason or indication.

(Page 392 of "The Big Book Of NLP")

My NOTE: Chunking UP means generalizing while Chunking DOWN means narrowing it down to specifics by elimination process (asking specific questions)

Meta-Programs Identification

"As a leader ... I have always endeavored to listen to what each and every person in a discussion had to say before venturing my own opinion. Oftentimes, my own opinion will simply represent a consensus of what I heard in the discussion. I always remember the axiom: a leader is like a shepherd. He stays behind the flock, letting the most nimble go out ahead, where upon the others follow, not realizing that all along they are being directed from behind" - Nelson Mandela

CREDITS FOR THE CREATION of this NLP pattern belong to various contributors.

This pattern makes you into a more effective communicator by helping your pace the meta-programs of another person. This is very important in sales, leadership, and coaching, as a rapport-building skill that improves your perception and understanding.

Overview: The Meta-Program Identification Pattern
Step #1: Assess the person's meta-program use
Step #2: Communicate with their style of meta-program use
Step #3: Transcend the limitations of your own meta-program style.
Step #4: TEST!

Step # 1. Assess the person's meta-program use.
Analyze the other person's communication in terms of the metaprograms that they are using. See the appendix on meta-programs as needed.

Step #2. Communicate with their style of meta-program use.
Use the same meta-programs as your person as you communicate with them.

Step #3. Transcend the limitations of your own meta-program style.
Take note of any ways that your own driver meta-programs may be causing you to miss anything about your person's use of meta-programs.

Expand your communications with them as insights emerge.

Step #4. Test.
Notice any ways that using their meta-programs improves your rapport with them, including your ability to empathize with them or understand their perspective, motives and thinking.

(Page 382 of "The Big Book Of NLP")

Introduction To The NLP Meta-Programs

LESLIE Cameron Bandler and her collaboration first developed the meta-programs model in NLP with Richard Bandler. Later on, Wyatt Woodsmall, another famous NLP developer, further developed it. We've heard of other people in the history of NLP contributing to the development of the meta-programs model, but without concrete evidence. Surely many people, experimenting practitioners and participants alike, have given their outputs for the creation of this model.

Meta-programs allow you to really understand human behavior, to learn how the person's mind is processing reality and therefore producing a certain outcome. People's behavior may sometimes seem random, spasmodic and thoughtless, but under the surface the factors influencing even a mood change are quite complex and intriguing. The next time another person snaps at you, as if they were trying to "get to you," step back and, instead of participating in the emotional roller-coaster, try to guess their meta-programs.

Meta-programs are deep structure tendencies that drive automatic behaviors and thought patterns. The meta-programs are related to all levels of a person's mind management. They relate to personality, decision-making, beliefs, values, dynamic relationships to self and others, emotions, true memories, false memories, and so on.

Meta-programs describe functions on a continuum. They do not describe personality traits, though they relate to personality. In essence, the meta-programs do not come to portray what a person IS, but how that person functions at a given moment in time in a specific context or situation (preferably, the moment you're communicating
with them).

In other words, it is not "the way I am," but it's "the way I do it." My identity is not a noun ("I am") but a continuing and dynamic process ("my current strategies"). If you say, "I am a failure," you're generalizing too much; if you say, "I failed in math 3 times in the past year," you're already taking a new perspective on those 3 events. The meta-programs are not necessarily going to show you how to succeed in math, but they are going to show you how your deep structured neurology is working perfectly, but not always towards the outcomes you envision for yourself.

Meta-programs are changeable, manageable and predictable. The person you're trying to analyze might express the same meta-program distinction, in both extremes, given different contexts and situations. People are complex, so even if you've easily identified a metaprogram distinction in someone, it does not mean that this person will hold and cherish it for a long time. It is bound to change.

What you define by working with the meta-program model is the "how," not the "is." The person you're analyzing is not a mismatcher, he's a person who's currently using the mismatch strategy, and if you change the theme or topic of your conversation, he might become a very extreme matcher! This makes the meta-programs model much more interesting and usable, because you don't need to tag people or memorize their attributes, you need to constantly shift your communication with them, according to your own outcomes, to their current influencing metaprograms and the context in which you both participate.

The meta-programs offer much more than just random analysis of people's tendencies in given contexts. The meta-programs allow you to also discover ways by which you can stop behaving in a certain way and install new ways, or strategies, for "working differently." If you find that you tend to see things in black and white terms, that may be useful in some contexts, but certainly not in your relationship with your spouse; not if you want a nurturing and loving marriage. With your spouse, you would want to hold a continuum as your perception. You would want to see all shades of gray and understand him or her from multiple viewpoints. If you only see things as "good" or "bad," every little thing about them might bother you too much. If they're late, or the dinner gets cold, or the kids didn't make it to a game because of a Yoga class, or whatever else, you might over-generalize merely because of a tiny Perception Category meta-program!

However, you do want to keep the black and white extreme when it comes to traffic rules, right? You do want to stop at a stop sign every time, drive under the maximum
allowed speed and certainly never drive after drinking alcohol. These are black and white Perception Category situations, in which the Continuum would be ineffective or even dangerous. Surely you can't argue with a policeman and say, "but there aren't any other cars around" after crossing a red light. Policemen do not care about the gray area, they want the law to be followed as is.

How Does A Meta-Program Work?

Meta-programs exist to make us more efficient. When you work with a familiar workflow, you "chunk up" and perform faster and better each time. A meta-program is kind of a set of instructions that your mind has gotten used to. In our modern and ultra-fast world, making prompt decisions is a necessity. A meta-program exists to perform even when your conscious mind is overloaded and stressed. Knowing meta-programs can help you tremendously to understand and predict other people's behaviors, and your own.

One of the most crucial elements to successful living is really just getting along with people, and especially getting along with people who can or should contribute to your achievable outcomes. Although the meta-programs can be used effectively in persuasion settings, like sales or therapy, they also serve us in other important ways.

The meta-programs give us a way to better understand another person's model of the world. We get to "read" and interpret reality through their processing preferences. As with the example I gave a few paragraphs ago, if you know that your spouse is categorizing her perception on a continuum, seeing all shades of gray, you can use language to communicate with her more effectively. You can still express your "extreme" black or white perception, but you would do so by acknowledging her way of seeing things first. Why? Because you want your relationship to work and improve, not to deteriorate because of lack of communication. And what is lack of communication if not ignoring each other's model of the world?

This is why we try to understand each other; we want to relate. Relationships are a crucial factor in any human's life (in fact, in almost any species), because there aren't many men or women who live on a deserted island. We have to communicate in order to survive, to propagate, to experience shared joy, to learn and grow and so on. There is no way around it. Either you work hard on your communication skills, or you are not going to get far on your outcomes.

When you and another person can't understand each other, you both feel misunderstood, frustrated and disconnected. Even if you discover the differences between you, you still need to come to agreement (in relevant contexts). How would you do that if you can't understand where each other is coming from and how you got there?

One of NLP's basic presuppositions, or advantageous beliefs, is that you are responsible for the results of your communication with another person. So if you and I are talking, for example, it is your responsibility to make me understand your point. The opposite is also true. As I am communicating with you, it is my responsibility to help you understand my point. Don't think of it as a shared responsibility, think of it as the responsibility of the person who's trying to convey his or her message
to others.

When you try to explain your ideas, you need to use an effective approach. This requires being in a frame of mind in which you take the responsibility for your communication. Then you are in a good position to accept and even appreciate the differences between us, and then utilize what you know to get me to understand your
message.

At this point I'd like to remind you of a commonly used NLP pattern: the Physiomental State Interruption pattern (p92/76). In order to interrupt a person's state of mind, use the opposite extreme of a meta-program you recognize in their language. If the wife from the example above is a "gray zone" advocate, send messages implicitly as black and white perception. "I love X more than anything" or "I hate X more than anything" are two examples of a Black and white style of thinking.

Using the opposite preference of a specific meta-program is a sure way to get a person agitated or a bit angry at you. But it will also break the state, and you can always smile as if you meant it as a joke, change the topic and you're off on another conversational atmosphere.

The benefit of using meta-programs, among others, is that instead of assuming and predicting another person's thoughts and behaviors, in an ineffective way, you're actually aiming for the right ones. You can never really understand what's going on in another person's mind. Each one of us is a complex individual with a whole lot
of memories and experiences that comprise a unique identity. You can't "figure out" a person, you can only assume a close guess, more or less.

Another key related to metaprograms, and NLP in general, is that each person is trying to impose his or her model of the world on the rest of us. Unless you're a well-trained NLP enthusiast, you're seeing the world through your own perceptual filters and consider it to be the only reality. You would see bad people and good people, comfortable situations and stressful events, misfortune and greed, and so on. But if you wish to master NLP, this facade is not going to fool you anymore.

You will no longer tag people for any reason. You'd be exploring their map of the world instead of judging them according to yours. You would have more curiosity and agility to help you learn HOW a person is functioning and not WHY are they "not working well"

One of the hardest stages I had to go through as a practitioner is when I received a phone call from a parole officer, asking me to work with a convicted ex-prisoner who was just released after a sentence of several years for abusing his wife. I really had to grow inside to accept such a client. I always thought that a perpetrator of a crime should keep paying so he or she won't forget to stop themselves the next time. Meeting this person has changed my way of thinking. He really needed help and he was willing to do anything and everything to "become normal," as he said. I changed my mind, accepted him, and that was one event I remember well because from then on, I started being curious about every person's HOW, regardless of the outcome.

The meta-programs are real, and you can observe them in any person. The reason that they are real lies in the essence of communication with self and communication with others. There are two modes of communication, verbal and non verbal. When it comes to your communication with yourself, you can speak to yourself (internal voice, self talk) and that's verbal communication, or you can imagine pictures or movies (mental visualization) or simply have a "feeling" or intuition, and these are non-verbal communication formats. When you communicate with other people, again you could speak to them verbally (auditory digital), or you could express nonverbally through your physiology.

At this point you still get to have control, more or less, on what you're expressing. But this is just a false sense of control. In reality, you can consciously manage around 7 items or bits of information, more or less, simultaneously. Everything else that you express, verbally and non-verbally, comes from your subconscious mind. Needless to say, your subconscious mind does not know how to lie and does not have the same objectives as your conscious mind or conscious thought process.

The subconscious mind has made it easier on itself by producing patterns. These are neurological connections, a kind of blueprint for processing, reprocessing and reproducing information. Your mind is accessing these blueprints all the time to know how to react to stimuli, how to make a decision, how to relate to the world, and so on.

These blueprints are also context-dependent. Accessing a blueprint to make a decision makes it feel "right," as a kind of intuition that relaxes you and makes you feel like you've made the best choice. And even if you have made the worst decision ever, it was still the best one your mind could produce at that given moment. You always do your best, satisfying some sort of subconscious need, even when it seems like a part of you is against improvement.

People who do not engage in studying these ideas, either investing time in acquiring knowledge from psychology or from NLP, are usually blind to these blueprints. The most they know is, that there are habits that control their thoughts and actions, but they usually claim nonsense such as, "that's just the way I am" or "I am just screwed up like this."

Meta-programs are habitual, true, but they are also easy to change. Merely by recognizing a tendency in your actions or thoughts, in a specific context, reminds you of it the next time you have a similar experience. Taking the example above, if you know that your wife is a "gray-zone" perceptual categorizer, the next time you two argue you will alread have the tools to calm down the emotional storm within you, think logically for a moment, and then reconstruct your words by taking a "middle ground" approach. You need to explain what you have to say in terms that exist in a "Continuum" style of thinking and not in your habitual black and white. This is not to say that you're wrong thinking in either/or terms, this is to say that if you want your wife to understand you, it is your responsibility to express yourself in the formats that her model of the world is working with. And no, you cannot just send her to an NLP seminar and then drop the whole deal on her.

There is another aspect to blueprint blindness. People usually think that everyone else is either working the same way they are, or they are unbearable or just strange! The fact is, that if you take the list of meta-programs and start questioning people, you will find many differences in thinking and decision-making between each and every one of the people you interview.

People are blind not only to their own blueprints, but also to everyone else's. Unless you study communication or psychology or NLP, there is a very high chance that you would find it really hard to "figure out" a person.

The meta-programs model works in such a way that you need to step out of your model of the world and observe objectively the blueprints another person is working with. Most of these blueprints are subconscious, so it makes no use to ask a person which perceptual category he's in at the moment or whether or not he chunked down a certain message you gave him. Observe! Open your eyes, ears and whatever else you need to gather knowledge objectively. The other person will offer you verbal formation (auditory digital) or non-verbal information (visual external), both of which you can use. The more useful one, of course, would be the non-verbal communication, because it is easy to lie with words, but your body language usually speaks the truth. When you observe meta-programs try not to judge the content you're hearing. The "story" is not important as much as the format of it.

How to Learn and Practice the Meta-Programs

There are many meta-programs. In this book I will list the ones that I find to be the most interesting and influential. In order to learn so many distinctions, you would need to work, first of all, slowly and methodically. Yes, of course, go ahead and read them all, no one is going to stop you. But when you go out there, to the real world, and start to practice recognizing and applying meta-programs distinctions, take them one at a time. In fact, I would recommend that you consciously work with only one metaprogram a week.

The reason is that your mind needs time to process these ideas and concepts, and since you're also applying them in numerous social situations, your mind needs to "push" them down to become unconscious competencies. To prevent overwhelm and possible failure, work slowly. It will benefit you later on when you master the meta-programs.

I also suggest that you not apply the meta-programs on everyone in every situation. This is something that new NLP learners mistakenly engage in. They apply everything they learn, on everyone, all the time and everywhere.

This is not healthy. Nothing in excess can be healthy. Stay "normal." Applying NLP 24/7 will make you a control-freak or some kind of a zombie. Now, to make it clear, I'm talking about consciously practicing the skills of Neuro Linguistic Programming. If something has become a part of you, if you do not need to "think about it" to make it work. But if you go out there, consciously trying to apply NLP on everything and everyone, you will find yourself exhausted, frustrated and with many annoyed relatives. Separate practice times from reality times. When you practice, engage with everything you can as an NLP practitioner. When you live your life, give NLP a rest. You will find that the skills you're practicing will naturally flow into your everyday actions and thoughts, so you really do not need to force this process.

Most important, remember that people's actions do not match their identity. You are not defined by your random actions. Everything you do and think about is context dependent, and every blueprint you recognize in yourself or in other people, might change drastically given different circumstances. In other words, respect your own model of the world and respect other people's models of the world. Reality is shared but not perceived the same by everyone.

As I wrote above, the metaprograms are distinguishable on a continuum. There is a sliding scale for most of them. Estimate more or less how far to an extreme a person's tendency is. You cannot be 100% accurate, but you can hit the right mark close enough. You can use the numerical grading system (1 to 10) or percentages (1-100%), or you can imagine it graphically, as I do, like an empty rectangle being filled with a color according to intensity.

When recognizing meta-programs in other people avoid the judgement. It would be counterproductive for you if you start estimating the "good" or "bad" in their preferences. There are no "right" or "wrong" tendencies, but "useful" or "non-useful," and again even this estimation is context-dependent.

Do not expect the meta-programs you elicit in others to be consistent. Even when you come across the same context, a metaprogram can change drastically. People evolve, even when they are not aware of it. Any experience, big or small, can modify a person's meta-program. To use the metaprogram model practically, you treat every interaction like a first one and re-work the meta-programs accordingly.

Finally, have fun! Exploring another person's map of the world is an exciting endeavor. Get curious and stay curious and delighted about other people. You will enjoy social interactions, you will become much more attractive to everyone, and your groupies (every person has some) will grow and grow. Your influence abilities will definitely increase and strengthen, and your days will not seem like carbon copies of each other anymore. NLP can, and should in my opinion, be practiced in a state of
joy.


Perception and Interest Styles Meta Programs

View: Global (Seeing the forest for the trees, big picture) vs. Details (detailed view, specific).

Boundary Locus: Internal (how I feel, think, etc.)
vs. External (what you're doing, what's happening).

Person locus: Self (me, number one, narcissism)
vs. Other (you, empathy, codependency).

Distinction: Match or sameness (how these things are similar or overlap, what they have in common)
vs. Mismatch or difference (how they are distinct, different, in contrast, unique).

Arousal hierarchy: The type of thing that the person finds most interesting to notice or value, can be listed in order of that person's level of interest or sequence of noticing when in a new situation.

People vs. Activities vs. Location vs. Things vs. Information
(other categories can be added as needed)

Arousal sub-hierarchies:

Same as arousal hierarchy, but for categories within the arousal hierarchy item.

Example for People: dynamics, power hierarchy position or class, motivations, usefulness, threat, individual personality characteristics, sophistication or capacity (e.g. psychological, occupational, emotional, social, motivational).


Behavior Styles Meta Programs

Immediacy: Proactive (acting in advance, being prepared)
vs.
Reactive (in the moment, immediacy, emergency)

Personal style:

Similar to Mayers Briggs.
Assertive vs. Passive.
judgmental vs. Open perception.
Thinking and Logical vs.lntuitive.
Active vs. Complacent.
Invasive vs. Tolerant
Concerned vs. Indifferent.

Developmental issues:

Developmental delays
vs.
Age-appropriate maturity (in specific areas of living such as handling authority), physical, thinking (cognitive), and emotional impairments that can affect development (such as a mental health diagnosis which can be mild, moderate or severe).

Outcomes Alignment Styles Meta Programs

Outcome Focus: 
Towards (what I want, eagerness)
vs.
Away from (avoiding what I reject or fear, loathing or concern)

Time Focus:
Far vs. Distant,
Past vs. present vs. future (thoughts and reference points tend to be there)

Convincer patterns and learning preferences:
Being convinced of something or learning something most efficiently through reading, observing, doing, experiencing, etc.

McClelland's motivational preferences:
Power vs. Popularity vs. Performance

"I personally believe we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain" ~Jane Wagner

(Page 661 of "The Big Book Of NLP")

Reframing Beliefs It Opinions - Examples

HERE ARE A FEW examples of reframing. When you read the conversation below, notice how one simple shifting of perception can change a person's belief or opinion. This script is a transcript of a recorded conversation between two of my friends in one of our NLP practice group meeting. We recorded all meetings, and luckily for us, we got some great materials out of. This is one:

George: "I can't imagine living in China, everything there is disgusting!"
Natasha: "What do you mean, disgusting? Have you been there?"

George: "No, but I read a touristic article about China, and they had quite a lot of warnings on the Chinese strange habits"
Natasha: "What kind of strange habits?"

George: "Well, they spit everywhere, in front of you, on the street, in restaurants, on the bus .. . "
Natasha: "They spit everywhere. And you know why?"

George: "The article didn't say"
Natasha: "I've been in China. I lived in Beijing for about a year. I started spitting everywhere myself after a few weeks"

George: "WHY?!"
Natasha: "Too much rapport, I guess" (laughing)

George: "No, seriously, why do they spit? That's a disgusting manner, certainly not something tourists would be happy to experience"
Natasha: "Well, I'm sure your article mentioned the extremely polluted air in China. Yes, the Chinese government is the source for this hazard, but the Chinese people are there to suffer it. In such a high polluted environment, you get quite a lot of mucus in your throat. .. what should they do, swallow it?"

George: "There's no Kleenex in China?!"
Natasha: "There are more than 1,500 million people in China! Can you imagine how many tissue papers they would consume in a day this way?! There would be no trees left after a year!"

George: "Alright, so maybe that's reasonable ... still disgusting, but reasonable. I guess that's why they don't use diapers ... "
Natasha: "Exactly why! You'd have million of dirty diapers standing around"

George: "Alright, toilet paper is one thing. But the article said they eat blood! And bones!"
Natasha: "Of animals, George! Not of human ... "

George: "Yes, of course, but why?!"
Natasha: "Same reason as before, it's really economical. Imagine how many animals would have to be butchered if they only ate the animal parts that we eat... they use the blood, by the way, for hotdogs, and they don't really eat the bones, they put them as extra flavor in soups"

George: "Yes, I can imagine how it saves money, and it's probably better without all the biological waste"
Natasha: "Indeed. Did you change your mind yet?"

George: A bit. Still strange though. They don't have normal toilets. .. they have holes instead of a bowl?"
Natasha: "Yes, and this is for hygienic purposes. This way even the public toilets are relatively safe because there is no contact between your skin and the toilet.. You don't need to worry who was there before you. Even the handle for water is operated by foot"

George: Alright, so many it's not that disgusting there"

Did you make note of the simple reframing Natasha used here? She didn't even use "facts" as the basis for convincing George. She used known shared values, such as saving the environment, reducing excessive waste and so on. Did you notice the presupposition Natasha gave George in the middle of their short conversation?

"Stiff in opinion, always in the wrong"~ John Dryden

(Page 142 of "The Big Book Of NLP")

Eliciting Subconscious Responses

Become a master communicator by learning to recognize and utilize subtle changes in others' physiology. This pattern involves the valuable skill of eliciting subconscious resources, a skill that serves you best when it, too, is subconscious. This skill deserves serious study, so resist any temptation to treat it like a magic trick.
We recommend that you practice this pattern with a partner until you find yourself using it unconsciously.

Overview: Eliciting Subconscious Responses
Step#1: Get your partner to think about a pleasant memory in the first perceptual position
Step #2: Have your partner focus on the visual rep system
Step #3: Have your partner clear their mind and focus on the auditory
Step #4 Have your partner focus on the kinesthetic

Step #1. Get your partner to think about a pleasant memory in the first perceptual position.

Find someone who will allow you to practice this exercise with them.

Ask them to think about a pleasant memory.

Encourage them to do this with eyes closed, and in the first perceptual position, as though they are experiencing it first hand.

Step #2. Have your partner focus on the visual rep system.

Once your subject has a pleasant memory in mind, have your subject focus exclusively on the visual aspect of the memory.

Note all of your subject's reactions, including changes in posture, facial expression, changes in skin color, pattern of breathing, and so forth.

Step #3. Have your partner clear their mind and focus on the auditory.

Have your subject clear their mind and open their eyes.

Have them bring up only the auditory aspect of the memory. Continue making your observations.


Step #4. Have your partner focus on the kinesthetic.

Once they have done this, have them bring up the kinesthetic aspect as you continue to observe.

Additional Advice
You might want to record your observations on a form that you prepare.

Use three titles to divide your operations into "Visual Reactions," "Auditory Reactions, " and "Kinesthetic Reactions."

Once you have done this exercise, you can improve your powers of observations "in the wild," by being aware of subtle physiological signals, and how they are influenced by factors such as primary sense mode, emotional arousal, rapport, and anything else of importance. This power of observation will be valuable in many NLP patterns, even the ones you don't know you're using.

CREDITS FOR THE creation of this NLP pattern belong to various contributors.

 "The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity." - Albert Einstein

(Page 71 of "The Big Book Of NLP")

Mirroring

Enhance your ability to establish rapport and to model excellence. This pattern builds a useful "second position" with another person. This skill is key in modeling others and for becoming intuitive in understanding the internal experiences of those you model.
Behavioral Mirroring

In behavioral mirroring, you match behaviors that have symbolic meaning. They are mostly subconscious. In fact, the more subconscious they are, the better they are to mirror. After all, no one can think you're imitating them if you are imitating something they don't know they're doing, can they?

But what about being either masculine or feminine with the opposite sex. I mean, aren't you supposed to be different? Doesn't the opposite sex expect this? Well, yes
and no. Remember, you are not completely giving up your actual personality. You are just adjusting certain things.

Did you know that when men talk to women, many tend to use a somewhat higher voice?

Apparently many people already do a certain amount of mirroring, whether they know it or not. It makes sense that we would evolve with some subconscious rapport-building instincts. After all, these abilities have contributed to our ability to survive and to procreate.

We know that the brain's neurons that are in charge of empathy and connecting with other feelings are called mirror neurons. Autistic people have difficulty with rapport building because they have less mirror neurons. Autistic people that are high-functioning enough to be concerned about rapport-building have to work extra hard at learning these skills because they are not as good with this kind of sensory acuity on an instinctual level. It has to start out as a much more conscious process.

Getting back to the idea of how we are supposed to be different across genders, consider this. Let's say a man is talking with a woman. She is a purchaser for a clothing company and the man is a sales rep for a textile mill.

He picks up from her behavior that she has worked her way up, she did not get her job because she was a college graduate with an impressive grade point average. He also sees from her skin tone and scent that, although she tries to hide it, she smokes. Her accent tells him that she is from a conservative and religious part of the country.

She happens to make a couple comments that are a little judgmental about people, comments that tell you she feels that people who are different are that way because
they want to be eccentric or difficult, or just irresponsible. This is not someone you admit to that you are taking antidepressants.

The man matches her by displaying the qualities that she obviously respects, and mentioning items of personal history that match what she believes in. If he earned something through hard work, that gets mentioned in passing.

If he has a degree, he completely drops the big words and abstract ideas from his speech, except for ideas that he can communicate in a very plain way.

She is from the south of the United States, and he knows that there is a literary tradition of commenting on things with dry humor, like Mark Twain did. He uses his humor in a plain but insightful and a little bit cynical way. His humor is at the expense of the rich, not the poor, and at the expense of marginal people, not regular
people.

If he is church going, he drops a comment about his involvement. He may share things about going to visit family with his immediate family members so she knows he
values family.

Although he uses similar body movements, he does it with the kind of masculine quality that she expects, but in a gentle way that allows her to feel relaxed and connected.

While he's at it, he does the other physical mirroring that we have talked about, such as posture and breathing.

Symbolic Mirroring

Notice how we have gone beyond physical mirroring to include things of symbolic value. This is symbolic mirroring, and the symbolic behavior is often subconscious behavior. And we have seen that you can combine symbolic and physical mirroring.

This combination of symbolic and physical mirroring is very powerful. This same sales person probably has a wardrobe that is quite different for each area of the country that he visits.

There is an engineer who happens to have autism and who works in the cattle industry. She wears western clothes, complete with the trimming and pearl buttons. This helps her have rapport with the cattle industry people that she works with.

Since she is autistic, it is important for her to do what she can to improve her rapport. But it is an odd idea, an autistic person in a western getup.

Yet, this person became so good with rapport skills, that she was able to get the cattle industry to adopt a very stringent set of rules for humane treatment of animals. Her name is Temple Grandin. She used her leverage with the McDonalds Corporation, which does business with so many of the vendors, as a powerful strategy for
inducing change.

This is a person who knows how to create well-formed outcomes. As an engineer with an analytical mind, she got a head start on how to do a well-formed outcome. Isn't it interesting how she has serious weaknesses as well as powerful strengths. She chose to go with her strengths to create a career and even engage in transformational
leadership.

Anyone who saw her as a child, unable to speak for years, and throwing tantrums because of her frustrations, would never have predicted her success.

We know of an individual who wanted to become more persuasive to conservative people. So he wrote a piece that expressed some of his liberal ideas, but using the same
language as the conservatives.

The result was that some liberals became angry at him for writing conservative rubbish. That symbolic aspect of the words he used was more powerful than the actual
meaning of the words. Never underestimate the power of subconscious symbols and how they play with rep systems.

For practice in looking for subconscious symbols, look to advertisements. For example, when there is an ad for a drug on television, notice how the commercial changes when they talk about the possible side effects of the medication. Notice how the music, acting, body language, colors and other aspects change to make that portion
less memorable.

Notice how they give the impression that the drug is highly effective, whether it actually is or not. In one commercial, the main character is a cartoon of a bee with large eyes. During the part about side effects, his eyes get very droopy.

Exchanged Matches

Not all your mirroring has to use the same parts of the body, just as your symbolic mirroring does not necessarily use exactly the same words.

For example, NLP teaches that you can make a motion such as finger taps that match the rhythm of the breath, rather than breathing to the breath timing yourself. This is called an exchanged match. You are exchanging body parts, but matching the rhythm or other mirroring aspect.

If you are a man and you're matching a woman in front of you, avoid looking at her breasts, trying to figure out her breathing pattern! You will get caught, and using the excuse "I was trying to match your breathing" will not work in this case, I believe. look at her shoulders instead; those tiny movement up and down will give you a hint on the breathing pattern she is using, and by applying exchanged matching you can move your leg or hand up and down accordingly.

You will be surprised to find out that in such a case of exchanged matching a breathing pattern, if you increase the speed of your matched movement, their breathing becomes faster! And if you slow it down, their breathing also becomes deeper and slower. Did you notice that sometimes when there's an angry person shouting and making a fuss, someone will try to come him down by moving their hands palms-down in a rhythmic motion, "hey, slow down, it's Ok, we can find a solution to this problem ... "

Here's a quote about Mirroring and Rapport from the book NLP: The New Technology of Achievement, by NLP Comprehensive, Steve Andreas and Charles Faulkner
"Fitting in is a powerful human need. We all have many examples of these behaviors, because we do them already. They are all based on some form of being similar, familiar or alike. Finding ways to be alike reduces our differences, and so we find the common ground upon which to base a relationship".

Overview: The Mirroring Pattern
Step #1: Select the subject
Step #2: Conduct the conversation while mirroring the person
Step #3: Exercise your rapport: Test your intuition and understanding of the person
Step #4: Exercise your influence by shifting your attitude and physiology
Step #5: TEST!

Step #1. Select the subject.
Select someone for a conversation. Don't tell them that you will be mirroring them.

Step #2. Conduct the conversation while mirroring the person.

During the conversation, ask their opinions on various topics.

Mirror their physiology, including factors such as the tenor and cadence of their speech, and body language such as gestures. Do this subtly.

If you need help maintaining the dialog, use active listening. This involves showing that you understand what they are saying by rephrasing their contributions.
Beginning with a phrase such as, "You mean ... " or "So you're saying ... " As you mirror, add elements such as their breathing as much as possible. Notice how you
feel as rapport between you two develops.

Step 3. Exercise your rapport: Test your intuition and understanding of the person.

Test your ability to understand through rapport. Try out your intuitions about what they are saying. Can you guess their opinion before they express it?

If you agree, try expressing the opinion yourself, and see how this affects rapport. If you express the opinion in a less certain manner, the person may gain pleasure
from holding forth to reassure you that the opinion is correct, and to demonstrate their mastery of the subject.

This helps establish you as a positive ANCHOR. Highly effective rapport can gain information about the other person that you can learn to pull out of your subconscious, making you feel as though you are psychic. This is very useful in modeling.

Step #4. Exercise your influence by shifting your attitude and physiology.

Test your ability to influence others through rapport.

Try shifting your attitude and physiology (e.g., breath pace, facial expression, body language) in what you consider to be a desirable or possible direction.

For example, shifting from a resentful or angry state gradually into a more constructive or powerful state. If you do this with some care, the other party is likely to shift with you. This has enormous value in areas such as sales, leadership and coaching.

step #5. Test.
Explore these skills of "pacing and leading" in your relationships.

Think of situations in which you could use these skills to improve your personal life or career performance.

Notice what outcomes you get, and refine these skills as you go.

Additional Advice

When NOT to Mirror or Match

There are things that you should not mirror. For example, if someone is getting aggressive and trying to be the alpha dog, you need to be more creative than just acting aggressive.

However, if you show an aggressive attitude about something that the other person is judgmental about, this can form a very powerful bond, plus, it can be fun to
shout.

If you are comfortable with your aggressive side, you can adopt a posture that reflects that you are basically an aggressive person, yet not display aggression toward the person.

Adopt a quality that is more like you are both on the same team.

This is a little bit like dealing with people who need attention very badly and don't have very good emotional control, such as people with borderline personality disorder. Mirroring people with very intense needs is much more of an art form and not a good place to start practicing.

If you need to, though, you can do mild mirroring of body language without giving the impression that you think your needs are greater than theirs. You can also, on the symbolic level, share the kinds of resentments and other things that the person tends to focus on.

By staying within the world that they mentally live in, you do not alienate them by intimidating them with a larger world.

These individuals can easily collapse into feeling very threatened or inferior, and this can cause them to go out of their way to undermine you. This can include something called triangulation, where they pit other people against you. This can even include your boss, or legal authorities. Rapport is very important with these individuals, as well as being well-protected against any ways they might try to undermine you.

After you have general rapportbuilding skills, you will be ready do use them with people who have needs that are more intense than average, if you are so inclined. This is especially the area of psychotherapists, physicians, and other professionals who tend to deal with people in distress.

For example, you will learn that once you can gain rapport, you can use this to lead people or alter their state in, positive ways. The pattern or mirroring and changing behavior of others is called pacing and leading.

With people who are suffering, you do not mirror their suffering, you just stick with mirroring the general physical and symbolic items that make them comfortable with you, so that they can feel okay about expressing themselves.

If you feel some of the state they are in, that is enough to you to feel more empathy, and for them to know that you do.

Some of you listeners, however, are already highly empathic, and can even be overwhelmed by others feelings.

This can go two ways.

You may find that mirroring is technical enough that it helps keep you from being overwhelmed or distracted by the other persons feelings when they are in distress.

On the other hand, if this is not so; if you still feel too much of their feelings, then you are probably already mirroring them so much that you are inducing their state in yourself too strongly.

In that case, you will actually need to learn how to tone down your mirroring in at least some aspects, especially the physical aspects. Better yet, you can use NLP
to find and change your strategy for feeling overwhelmed. You can start with what internal representations you have about the suffering of others.

Nurses, therapists and social workers are often people who do a lot of subconscious mirroring without any training in it.

But what if someone catches you mimicking him or her?

If someone feels that you are mimicking him or her, they are probably aware of NLP and mirroring. If they seem uncomfortable or offended, the best response is typically to back off of the physical mirroring, but maintain the symbolic mirroring without getting carried away.

CREDITS FOR THE creation of this NLP pattern belong to Richard Bandler and John Grinder.

"The most effective way to achieve right relations with any living thing is to look for the best in it, and then help that best into the fullest expression" ~ Allen J. Boone

(Page 60 of "The Big Book Of NLP")

Pacing & Leading

Pacing Current Experience

WE HAVE TALKED quite a bit about rapport building, and pacing was a key part of that. Pacing the breath, that is, breathing at the same rate as someone else, is an example. What you say is also a really important resource for pacing. When you pace a person's current experience, you are simply bringing their experience into what you are saying somehow. This makes what you are saying more invisible and trustworthy at the same time. It creates a kind of momentum that gives power to other things you will say.

For example, "As you feel the surface you are on, and hear the sound of my voice, the relaxation you're starting to feel allows you to take an easy, slow breath."

Source: (Page 626 of "The Big Book Of NLP")

Pacing and Leading

ONCE YOU have done enough pacing, the person is ready for you to not merely MATCH their state with pacing, but to LEAD them into whatever state is necessary for what you are doing. As in the previous example, where we insert an easy, slow breath, we are encouraging deeper relaxation.

Notice that we don't tell the person to relax, we cultivate a state of relaxation by supporting the physiology of relaxation.

Better yet, we are pacing and leading at the same time, because we timed the easy slow breath with one that was already taking place in the other person. That means
that that was just the beginning of leading, where we are punching up the awareness of the state that we want to increase.

This is called kindling, where an existing state is reinforced and supported so that it will become dominant and rise above the other states that are, in a sense, competing for dominance in the person.

As the state increases, your leading can become increased as well, as with the statement, "As your relaxation deepens, the remaining muscles that feel some tension can absorb this relaxation, making your inhale seem to fill more of your body."

(Page 627 of "The Big Book Of NLP")

Pacing & Matching

"You MEET people at their own level, just as you don't discuss philosophy with a baby learning to talk . .. you make NOISES at the baby" - Dr. Milton H. Erickson

Pacing and matching are important to modeling and rapportbuilding. Practicing this pattern sharpens your awareness of people and their subconscious communications. When you specifically pace a person's model of the world, you can better understand their perspective, as well as be much better able to build rapport.

Pacing involves matching elements of another person's body language and speech in ways that tend to improve rapport. Pacing is not mirroring, because you are
not attempting to fully imitate the person. Rather, you are integrating various elements of their style into your own.

For example, if you use the same levels of vocabulary, the person will feel more comfortable with you. If you fake their accent, however, they will feel offended.

Because of the way this can help you build empathy and understanding of other people, you could say that you are pacing the person's model of the world. The other person's sense or intuition that you understand them and can relate to them obviously improves rapport. This improvement in rapport also occurs unconsciously.

Pacing could be compared with method acting, in which the actor enters another person's reality, by finding it within him or herself. This takes pacing to a higher level, in which you are able to embrace the other person's frame of reference.

Sandler and Grinder have found that you call enhance pacing by matching predicates, that is, their primary rep system references. If they "see" your point, you would
appreciate them "viewing" it favorably, because they are referring to their visual rep system.

Practice pacing with people as you go about your day. Try it anywhere and everywhere. Start by erring toward being too subtle, and work your way into more complete
pacing. That way, you won't offend anyone. If you are in an anonymous situation, where it doesn't matter if you appear eccentric, try more extreme pacing and see
what it takes for people to actually give you a funny look. You may be surprised at how fully you can pace without a problem. Instead of following steps, you can practice this pattern by improvising from these instructions.

The most influential hypnotherapist, the late Dr. Milton H. Erickson, described one of the classical examples of the Pacing & Matching pattern. Check out the quote in the beginning of this chapter, I chose this one on purpose.

Dr. Milton H. Erickson tells about a client he had, an autistic child. In his words, from the book Phoenix Therapeutic Pattems Of Milton H Erickson, written by David Gordon:

"And she brought the girl in, and introduced the girl to me and me to the girl. And the girl made a number of weird sounds and so I REPLIED with weird sounds, and we grunted and groaned and squeaked and squawked for about half an hour. And then the girl answered a few simple questions and very promptly returned to her autistic behavior. And we really had a good time squeaking and squawking and grunting and groaning at each other. And then she took the patient back to the hospital. In the night time she took the patient for a walk. She told me later, "that girl almost pulled my arm off, yanking me down the street, she wanted to see you ... the one man who could really talk her language".

(Page 52 of "The Big Book Of NLP")

Developing Sensory Acuity

WHEN YOU LEARN to observe people well you will notice that they make minute subconscious changes. They are not aware of most of their involuntary movements or minor changes in physiology.

Investigators are well-trained in noticing the most delicate minor changes in people's physiology.

They can tell whether the person is lying simply by noting the changes of skin color (blushing, for example, even for a second, is very noticeable).

Even though you can improve your sensory acuity with eye accessing cues, sometimes they are not enough or are completely inappropriate for the person you're interacting with.

The physiological changes that you can notice in others can be considered to be on a continuum:
Skin color: Light OR Dark
Muscles tone: Symmetrical OR Asymmetrical
Breathing rate: Slow OR Fast
Breathing location: Low OR High
Size of lower lip: With lines OR No lines
Pupil dilation: Dilated OR Not dilated
Eyes focus: Focused OR Not focused

Source: (Page 199 of "The Big Book Of NLP")

Building & Maintaining Rapport

RAPPORT IS A POSITIVE connection between you and another person, or you and a group.

You have seen lecturers, comedians and others build rapport with an entire audience. Perhaps you have experienced a good connection with a sales person, and by relaxing into that connection, found it easier to make a buying decision. You've probably met people who had a strong, instant effect on you, either good or bad.

What is it about the politicians and actors, the sales people, and the charismatic people you meet, that give them the ability to create rapport? Is it just natural chemistry? Sometimes. But professionals such as politicians learn to build rapport.

Rapport is one of the first areas that NLP became fascinated with as it developed. The therapists that NLP studied early on had rapport building abilities, but they had very different styles, at least they had very different approaches and personalities. But, as you have learned, NLP is not content to just look at the surface. It models, it analyses, and it finds the active ingredients that make things like rapport take place.

This is what you will learn next;
the active ingredients of rapport; the ingredients used by professionals in many areas of life to sell, to lead, and even to heal others.

This Doesn't Sound Ethical. Is NLP Just Manipulation?

Although this is not a course in ethics or philosophy, we do want to share a couple ideas on this with you. NLP wants to see people develop meaningful values so that
they can lead more fulfilling and meaningful lives. This does not happen at random. Except for the hero who is surprised by the heroic act that comes out of them in a
crisis, most great people of history have done a great deal of sometimes painful soul searching. They have drawn from various sources of inspiration. They talk about the feeling of standing on the shoulders of giants, even though history regards them as giants. Except for a few with very large egos, most of the great people in history confess to feeling like anything but giants.

But the things that they are proud of, are that they aspired to higher values, and that they worked to build the skills they needed to have a meaningful impact on the world.

We see the same thing is people today; people who don't expect to be in history books, but who are fascinated by excellence; people who want to know how their role models do what they do. These people use rapport-building skills to achieve excellence in their chosen pursuits.

The first lesson in rapport, much like other NLP skills is flexibility. If you think showing interest in people helps build rapport, consider the person who is too shy to handle you showing interest.

If you think a dynamic, outgoing personality creates rapport, consider the person who would feel overwhelmed or pushed by that. If you think speaking from your heart and your vision generates rapport, consider the person to defends themselves with sarcasm and cynicism.

What NLP has discovered about rapport transcends earlier efforts to build rapport with a list of personality traits. That is not flexible; that is a cook book approach. The master chef isn't glued to a cook book.

The second lesson in rapport is conscious application. It is not simply a gift or a coincidence, it is a skill.

Since most people prefer to think that rapport is only a natural thing, they may be uncomfortable with purposely creating rapport. We say that if you care about your mission in life, and if you care about your values, then you have a responsibility to learn to build rapport.

Rapport is part of your mission. You may be surprised to find that being pretty technical about it at first is very important. It's a little like a musician who practices scales for hours on end but emerges from this and other training with a great ability to play jazz. Rapport-building is the jazz of NLP.

What Skills Should I Start With?

Start your rapport-building skills with what we call SENSORY ACUITY. You have already started building this skill. We taught you to recognize what rep system people were using by listening to their predicates and watching their eyes and body language. Those are sensory acuity skills. Everything a person does is a message to you on how to build rapport with them. All you need is to know the code and the guidelines.

Have you ever been in the same room with someone and felt uncomfortable, or known that something was wrong, but didn't know why? With sensory acuity, you can describe everything about the person that was telegraphing signals to you.

For example, changes in posture can signal tension, extra skin moisture can signal anxiety or alarm, same thing with changes in heart rate that you can see from the carotid artery in the neck.

The face creates brief flashes of facial expression that are not controlled by the conscious mind. This has been shown in research using high speed video. And those are just a few body language elements.

Consider speech. On the physical level, you can hear stress in the voice. A dry mouth is a sign of anxiety or alarm. But also consider the hidden messages in what people say.

Their accent not only tells you where they are from, but their accent and vocabulary tell you their educational level. They drop hints on things like their feelings about personal responsibility and what kind of people they trust and don't trust.

As you connect with people during the week, pay attention to these signals, in fact, to all the different signals that people send off. A good cardiologist will tell you that when they started medical school, they only heard two things when they listened to a heart. Lub and dub. Lub dub, lub dub. But with experience, they came to hear all sorts of other things, like prolapsed valves, heart murmurs, and much more. So it is with sensory acuity. The more you pay attention, the more you will
come to see, hear and feel. When you aren't building rapport, you can use this skill at parties reading people's palms as a diversion.

How Should I Practice This?

A great way to start is with people that you already know something about.

Notice how the various signals they put out go with the things you know about them. Then think of as many people as you can who share one of those traits, and what
they had in common.

The next step is to rate in your mind the stress level of every one you see for a week.

Notice how their stress level can change up and down in an instant. Watch for paleness, facial expression changes, tension, rigid body language, slight withdrawing in apprehension, how hard they are trying to act natural, and so forth.

Here is something that will help you with this part. When people feel fear or excitement, they are activating a part of their nervous system called the sympathetic nervous system.

This does a lot of things, and you can observe many of them. Here are the most obvious ones: pupil dilation, that is, pupils getting larger; thinning of the lips, more muscle tension, paler skin, more skin moisture, more aggressive or withdrawn body language (yes, it can go either way), a tighter voice, the face stretched somewhat more, and faster foot motions, perhaps even being more on their toes. These are all the things that the body does when it thinks it may have to fight or run away. Perhaps you've heard of the fight or flight reaction. Well, this is it, this is the action of the sympathetic nervous system.

When you do rapport building, you will see a very different set of signals from people. They are similar to what you will see in practicing hypnosis.

Then How Will I Actually Create Rapport?

The key to rapport is to adopt an overall state that is similar to the other person. You start by using your sensory acuity to size up the various subconscious signals
that they are putting out, and telling you what state they are in. This is called calibration. Calibration is basically using the persons subconscious signals to know about their inner state.

Once you have done that, you can cultivate that state in yourself.

After all, people tend to like people that are similar to themselves. They can relate and they feel that they will be understood. They also feel some security because that makes you seem more predictable.

It may be a little easier, though, to simply start gently imitating certain key behaviors. This is called mirroring, or matching. This helps build your sensory acuity, because you have to pay attention to the aspect that you are imitating. It also teaches you a lot about calibration, because, as you imitate their key signals, that will tend to produce a state in you that is similar to theirs.

This is kind of subtle, but if you wanted to, you could go pretty far before anyone would think that you were imitating them. You will probably be surprised at how far
you can go.

The only reason you do not go too far is usually that you don't want to have completely different personalities and then be in the same room with two very different
people that you have done this with. You would be wondering who to act like, or maybe you'd suddenly need to leave because of a family emergency just to get out of there.

Let's go through each of the behavior- MIRRORING SKILLS that are especially powerful ways to develop rapport.

Posture

Posture is pretty easy. Without mirroring every single thing about other people's posture, practice adopting the basic stance or sitting position. Resting on the same arm (except as a mirror image, your right to their left) gives you a similar alignment. A more leaning forward, straight up, or leaning back posture match is good. This leaves out the more obvious things like crossing arms or legs. But you can try this as well, especially if it is not a person who would be looking for this kind of thing.

Movement

Movement is another. What is their general style of movement? How fast, how much gesturing, how open or closed. This sort of thing. Make your movement kind of similar to that.

Breathing

Breathing is very interesting. If you match the person's breathing, it can have a powerful effect. It's a little harder than the other things, because it is an ongoing
concern about timing, but as you get more comfortable with mirroring, start developing this match up as well. This is used in hypnosis, and affects the timing of your verbal statements, speaking during the exhale.

Source: (Page 317 of "The Big Book Of NLP")

Why I Started This Blog?

I started this blog to share with others what I know and what I continue to learn about NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming).

What is NLP?
That all depends on who you are asking. Due to NLP's multi purpose, there are lots of definitions out there. There are modeling, hypnosis on steroids, communication skills, etc.

For me, NLP is all about changing our ways of thinking; our beliefs! Our belief system has far more effect on our lives than anything else we have control over, isn't it?

If we keep on thinking what we've always thought. We'll just keep on getting what we've always got. So, if we want to change our life, we need to change our thinking! Don't you agree?

Albert Einstein once said “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results!”